10 Common Thought Patterns and How to Change Them
In this post, we’re going to go over the 10 most common negative thought patterns that people fall into.
At some point in time we will all be affected by at least one of these ways of thinking. Interestingly, we often don’t even realise we’re doing it when it happens, although it's easy to spot in others, which is why taking the time to learn about each one is beneficial for identifying any you may unconsciously employ.
As you read through, take the time to consider which of these thought patterns resonate with you. Everyone should have at least one of these negative traits they can identify with, even if it is only mildly. Once you’ve identified yours, you can try the tips below to help you overcome your negative thought patterns once and for all:
1. Black and White Thinking
This is 'all or nothing' thinking - where we see no middle ground or grey areas in situations or people. These thoughts are often characterised by words like ‘always’, ‘never’ and ‘every’, and includes thinking in absolute terms. If you often find yourself thinking you will never achieve something, feeling like other people always hold you back, or if you think that nothing short of perfection is acceptable, black and white thinking might be something you indulge in.
2. Blaming
This is the tendency to either blame ourselves for situations beyond our control, or to blame others for our own roles and responsibilities in a situation. It’s the inappropriate assignment of fault. For example, someone might blame their spouse not setting an alarm for their late arrival to work. Equally, that spouse might also see themselves as responsible for the same thing. Yet both of those thought patterns show inappropriate assignment of responsibility. A grown adult who is capable of holding a job is also capable of setting an alarm and should hold themselves accountable for doing so.
3. Catastrophising
This is when we exaggerate situations making them seem worse than they really are. It’s very ‘what if’ type thinking that results in assuming the worst. For example, you may simply be running late for a meeting but all of a sudden, your mind has jumped ahead and turned this into a situation which could result in losing an account, or even your job. And if you lose your job, you will lose your house. Inexplicably, you are starting to consider whether you will need to move back in with your parents and how you will ever get a decent job again. The reality is, you’re five minutes late - that’s it.
4. Personalisation
This is when we believe everything is about us, or our fault. This can manifest in many ways. You might see someone at work who seems a little grumpy and automatically assume they are mad at you. You may assume responsibility for an event you had no control over, or were not even involved with. Or you may take events that are happening to a larger audience of people than just yourself and still take it personally, for example: being stuck in traffic and wondering why this always happens to you.
5. Mental Filter
This is when we focus on the negatives of a situation, and filter out all the positives. If you fall into this negative thought pattern, it will likely pop up whenever someone criticises you or your work. Even a small throw away comment, or a piece of constructive criticism amongst an entire conversation about how fantastic you are, could become a huge focus for you. You could have an excellent review at work with one small critique and the only part you would focus on is that one area that could use further development. No matter how the good might outweigh the bad, the bad is always going to tip the scales for someone who has this mental filter switched on.
6. Jumping to Conclusions
This one is fairly simple. When you jump to conclusions you are assuming what others are thinking or feeling without having any solid evidence to indicate that you are right. Using a work example again, you may approach a group of coworkers who are all talking to one another but stop as you arrive. Someone who jumps to conclusions would assume their coworkers had been talking about them, when in fact there are many reasons conversation may have paused.
7. Overgeneralising
This is taking a single event or incident and deciding that it is an indicator of how life will be from now on. For example, failing to get a particular job means you will never get a job. A bad date means you will never find a partner. Growing up in a poor family means you will never be wealthy. It can also relate to your judgements of others, including serious prejudices like racism, sexism and homophobia.
8. The Shoulds
This type of negative thinking sets ourselves and others up for criticism. We have a list of rules about how things should be, and how we and others should behave. These rules generate anger, resentment and disappointment if they are broken by others, or guilt if we break them ourselves. This differs from a standard set of morals which are generally very helpful, because the ‘shoulds’ are often unrealistic, too idealistic, or just plain unachievable.
9. Emotional Reasoning
This is when we automatically believe what we feel about ourselves is true. For example, if you worry that you are boring and not funny, that must be accurate. We assume if that’s how we feel, it simply must be true. This sort of thinking can lead to self-fulfilling prophecies, where we end up acting out the behaviour we’ve predicted. Why even share a joke when you have already decided you don’t have a good sense of humor? Why attend social events when you feel like you will just bore everyone and bring the mood down? Suddenly, you are the boring person who never goes to any events when invited, and who can never even crack a joke. Oops!
10. Self-Serving Bias
This is when a person attributes all successes and positive events to their own abilities or character, while attributing any failings or negative events to other people or things outside of their control. An example of this is a student getting a great mark on a test and attributing it to their own intelligence, but blaming a failing grade in another class to the teaching method of the lecturer, or perhaps having a head-cold on the day of the exam. This negative thought pattern usually results in a person not being able to take responsibility for their own actions. Ironically, it can also create the perception of either an over-inflated ego or great insecurity.
It takes a lot of self-reflection and awareness to identify what your negative thought patterns are.
Sometimes, it can help to talk to a friend about it - thinking out loud can help you come to realisations you otherwise wouldn’t have on your own. Especially if you have a friend who knows you well and can kindly guide you.
Once you know what areas you need to work on, you will be better equipped to identify your negative thought patterns when they take hold.
You can overcome negative thought patterns by:
1. Recognising them when they pop up. Once you know what yours are, and know what language you tend to use around them (words like: should, always, never) or what emotions they evoke in the moment, you should begin to recognise them when they arise. It will get easier the more you do it!
2. Become an observer of your thoughts. This involves seeing the situation from the outside looking in. Rather than getting emotional about it, look at it logically. Consider what happened to trigger your negative thought pattern and really assess that ‘cause and effect’ relationship and whether it is appropriate. Consider whether the way your mind and emotions interpreted the events was accurate or reasonable.
3. Imagine what you would think if you weren’t personally involved. Consider the situation and imagine it’s playing out amongst strangers. This will help you see the situation as the true, basic events without your filters and projections affecting your interpretation. If someone you know came to you and explained this very event to you, what advice would you give them to help them deal with it? Would you approach the situation differently?
4. Consider what you can learn from the situation, or whether this is a situation you want to rectify or take action on. Each situation is different, sometimes you might decide that in fact, what has unfolded doesn’t require much of a response at all. It may simply be a situation you can absorb and learn from. Perhaps that critique in your review at work really was just a goal you can work toward, something that will help you develop your skills and become a more valuable employee. But there will also be times when you do need to address an issue. By going through steps 1-3, you’ll be in a much better frame of mind to approach it objectively and without bias, ensuring you can achieve the most positive outcome possible.
5. Allow yourself to let it go and move on! Often this is a conscious action we need to take. It’s funny how a situation can play on your mind for hours, days or even months after the incident. I know people who have held onto minor things for years, and it’s just not worth keeping the mental space for it. So consciously ask yourself if this is something you want to hang on to or if you need to simply let go. There are times when we can learn from a situation, times where we need to intervene, and there are times when the best possible outcome is just to release it.
Remember we’re all human and no-one is perfect. If you aren’t always able to halt these negative thought patterns don’t feel bad. The fact that you are starting to identify them and trying to eliminate them where possible is fantastic. As always, the idea of working on these things is simply to make life that little bit lighter and more enjoyable.